woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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