I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
