Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
