how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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