just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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