You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
