So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
