3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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