Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
