Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
