The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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