Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
