my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
