All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
