It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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