Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
