Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
