I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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