They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
