i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
