the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
