i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
