Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
