mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
