In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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