I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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