I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
