Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i dont even know how to be here
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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