In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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