The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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