It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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