I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
