He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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