she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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