So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
