Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
