Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
