We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
