there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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