i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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