Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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