Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
