Your face is a jimmy john
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
