i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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