I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
