dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
