DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
