i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
