Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I party with great urgency now.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
