i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
