I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
