He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The uberlube is also flammable
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
